You think I’m confident don’t you?

I was on a walk with my mentor and this happened….

Her: How have you been for the last 6 months, what’s been happening?

Me: ‘This year we….

• Replatformed the whole of BoldHR® – but fell behind on revenue as a result
• Launched a new online community with almost 200 members in under 4 months – but engagement levels seem low
• Launched a new self-paced, lower-cost membership offering – but organic take-up has been slow Launched 12 new Systems of Impact – but I don’t think members are using them enough
• Built a suite of assessment tools – but I’m sure they could be better

Spot the pattern?

It’s been a successful year on every measure. The content is great, the community is growing, we’re back in the black, and now we’re booked up till February.

But why all the ‘BUTs’?

Her: You come across like you’re confident, but you’re not. You shouldn’t hide it, you know. It’s more helpful for others if you put it out there.

And right there, ladies and gentlemen, is why she is my mentor.

Confronting, compelling, and always right. How annoying. So here goes – me putting it out there.

Meet my imposter syndrome – her name is Nigella. She talks me down, is relentlessly hard on me, undercuts my achievements, and is never satisfied with my success.

Which really means that I talk myself down, am hard on myself, undercut my achievements, and I am never, ever satisfied. I think I blame Nigella because it’s easier to live with an overactive imposter syndrome that way.

• I wish I could claim she is anything other than a crisis of confidence – she isn’t!
• I wish I could state that I control her when she crops up – I can’t!

So when I say I’m good at something, I’m saying that despite this trio of naysayers, but maybe I’m also saying it because of them. My mentor calls this the Board that lives in your head. Nigella sits in all three chairs.

But I often wonder if she is going to hold me back in the long run. After all, I want to….

• expand globally – but I’m not good enough / famous enough yet
• speak on stage more often – but it terrifies me
• be more forthright in my opinions – but what if I’m wrong or unpopular

So we will see if she helps or hinders in the next 5 years, won’t we?

The moral of this little story is that you don’t have to be confident to be successful, but it really helps to understand how your confidence works and try to make it work for you.

Don’t let your inner voices hold you back – please.

PS yes, there is a jolly good reason she is called Nigella, it includes a chef and a cow, but you’ll have to DM me for that story.

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You can reach her on rebecca@boldhr.com